Be safe my love
by Anotherhumanbeing
Summary: Castle waited for a bullet to hit him, kill him instantly or let him bleed in front of his friends. None of them happened. He felt something heavy yet familiar on top of him and he opened his eyes to meet Beckett's. He didn't like what he saw. Beckett's body fell next to his on the ground and blood was covering her abdomen.'Kate...the baby'was the last thing she heard.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't hate me for this, just saying...**

She groaned at the sound of her phone ringing, indicating it's time for work. Rolling over to the other side of her bed she came in contact with someone's body. She removed her hands from under the covers and ran them through her husband's soft hair, he sighed happily in response.

''Time for work'' he mumbled and opened his eyes only to meet her face in front of his. She covered his mouth with hers in a gentle yet passionate kiss, sucking his bottom lip and pushing her tongue between his parted lips. He growled in pleasure and cupped her face with his hands. They got lost in each other's caresses and forgot everything about the work, the murderers, the dead body waiting for them. The only thing that mattered was them. Only them. Until Beckett's phone decided to ring again and ruin their love bubble.

''I hate your phone'' he said against her lips. She chuckled, grabbed her phone from the nightstand and settled back in his lap as he wrapped his arms around her slim body.

''Beckett'' she announced herself on the phone ''Yes'' she trailed her finger along his jawbone then his cheeks ''I'll be there in ten'' she ended the call and fell back in his arms, face hidden in the crook of his neck.

''You will be late'' he whispered, lips touching the sensitive skin of her ear.

''Will you come with me?'' she asked, face lifting from its place on his neck to look at him, eyes pleading. For one more time he was awestruck by this woman. At work she was so bad-ass, kicking asses all the time and being great as always, but with him she was just Kate, sweet, sensitive, caring Kate.

He smiled ''Always'' he promised then looked down at her tummy ''How is my boy?'' he lifted his hand and trailed his fingers over her abdomen. Touch so light it tickled her.

''He's hungry'' she smirked at him and a big wide grin covered his face.

''I still can't believe that we are having a baby!'' he laughed ''Promise me you will do only desk duty this 9 months. No running around chasing criminals!''

''You know I can't do that'' she told him. He opened his mouth to protest but she held a hand up and stopped him. He closed his mouth again and waited. ''But I will try not to get in trouble. Okay?'' he nodded, that was a start. Maybe in the next couple of months he would manage to make her stay at the precinct all day, away from the criminals, the guns, and everything that could harm her or the baby.

''Come on, Castle. We will be late''

* * *

One hour later they were standing in front of the murder board of their current case. A young man, who was an elementary school teacher was found dead in his kitchen by his sister. It took them one week to gather all the evidence in order to make an arrest and today was the day. The _fatal_ day.

''It's him'' Ryan pointed at their suspect's picture on the board.

''Did you get an address?'' Beckett asked. Esposito came next to her and nodded.

''Let's go get him then'' They headed for the elevator but a hand grabbed Beckett by the elbow and dragged her to the break-room. She didn't need to look to see who it was. The boys gave her a curious look but she just waved them off.

''Castle-''

''You told me you would stay here!'' he snapped all of a sudden ''Or at least, that you would try! But that's not called trying Beckett!'' Him saying her last name like that draw her attention. Was he angry with her for doing her job?

What the hell, Castle?

''Castle-'' she tried again ''This guy is dangerous, and the boys will need my help. I can't just stay here and tell them I can't go 'cause I'm pregnant!'' he soften a little and his shoulders dropped a bit in defeat. He knows he won't win this fight. She is too stubborn for her own good. They sat in silence, both waiting something to happen. After a minute, he spoke.

''If anything happens...'' he began.

''Nothing will happen, I promise''

''Fine, but I'm coming with you and you will be careful!'' she huffed and offered him a small smile as they headed downstairs as well.

* * *

When they arrived at their destination Castle was following her like a lost puppy but this time ten times worse than before. First, opening the door for her then helping her out of the car and the worst? He put his body in front of hers and said ''In case of any stray bullets''

She shrugged and didn't say anything as they put their vests on, checking their gun and then got ready for the arrest. Castle continued doing the same thing over and over again until she had had enough.

''Stay in the car'' she told him and he shook his head.

''Nope, not gonna happen'' she pinched his ear ''Apples!Apples!''

''Do that one more time'' she warned ''and I will shoot you'' he smirked and lifted his eye-brow playfully at her and then he met her cold gaze. He gulped and put his head down.

''Are you two lovebirds finished or do you want a room?'' Ryan asked teasingly. Beckett rolled her eyes and took her gun out of the holster.

''Go'' she signaled at them and they headed for the house. They heard things breaking, falling, then someone running. They slowed their pace when they reached the front door. Ryan checked inside through the window and gave them a clear sign. Esposito broke down the door and all three together yelled 'NYPD'. A door cracked, a glass broke and then nothing. Silence. Beckett lead the way to the inside rooms of the house and they followed. Close behind her, ready to defend and help her. They heard the click of a gun behind them and they turned around immediately. What they saw shocked them all. There he was, their suspect holding gun and aiming it at Castle's head who was struggling to free himself out of his attacker's grasp.

''Make on more move and I will blow his head off!'' the man yelled and Castle flinched as the metal dug into his scalp.

''Let him go, George'' Beckett said taking one stop closer to them.

''I said don't move!'' she stopped ''Lower your guns!''

''That's not gonna happen, George. If you drop the gun now it will save you some years!'' Esposito told him.

George's hands were trembling, finger twitching over the trigger.

''I-I've done too much'' he stuttered. His gaze moved to lock with Beckett's ''Did you know that everything can change with just a bang? With a click of a gun?'' asked.

''George, don't do anything stupid'' Beckett warned. George just shook his head.

''I'm sorry'' he tried to press the trigger but Castle hit him with the back of his head and George stumbled backwards and Castle forwards, rubbing his scalp with his hand. When George recovered he aimed again for Castle, this time Beckett pushed Castle to the ground and shielded his body with her own. Three shots rang out and two wounded bodies fell.

Castle waited for a bullet to hit him, kill him instantly or let him bleed in front of his friends. None of them happened. He felt something heavy yet familiar on top of him and he opened his eyes to meet Beckett's. He didn't like what he saw. He didn't like it at all. Beckett's body fell next to his on the ground and blood was covering her abdomen.

'_Kate..._' was the last thing she heard before her world faded into darkness.

**Reviews are welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I told you, you would hate me for this story and especially for this chapter...ah well..your choice. **

When she saw the gun being aimed at Castle again, she didn't have second thoughts. She jumped in front of it and felt the cold steel touching the left side of her body before it rang and she fell on the ground. She hoped her vest did its job for once, but she knew she was wrong when a sharp pain rocked her abdomen. Something under her moved, her body fell sideways, someone spoke and then nothing. Her world went black and it felt so good, because there was no pain. Not yet.

''Kate! Stay with me Kate, don't leave me'' he puts pressure on the wound, tries to save as much blood as possible. They called an ambulance and they rode with her to the hospital.

* * *

He's sitting at a chair next to her hospital bed, looks at his wedding ring on his finger and runs a thumb over it. It's been five hours since they brought her to the hospital, two since the surgery had finally finished and they put her in her own room. He made sure of that. He asked if the baby was alright when the doctor came to inform them about her condition. At his question he shook his head and told him it would be better if Kate was awake too. Something was wrong. She was too close too the gun,0.45 caliber pistol, and the bullet penetrated her vest, the impact wasn't too deep but it did its job. It hurt her. Both of _them._

A small whimper draws his attention and he stares at the woman in front of him trying to open her eyes. He takes her hand in his and caresses it. Encouraging her to wake up.

''Kate'' he whispers ''Wake up'' he squeezes her hand over and over again until she manages to open both of her eyelids and she's looking straight at him.

''What happened?'' she mumbles, voice raspy.

''You jumped in front of George's gun as he pulled the trigger. You were too close and the bullet penetrated the vest'' he takes some air in his lungs and then he asks her ''Why did you do it Kate?'' it's stupid, he knows that, he would do the same for her if she was about to get shot by a psycho but still, he wouldn't be pregnant.

''He was about to shoot you, Castle. What was I supposed to do?'' she asks him back ''Let him kill you? That's what you wanted me to do, Castle?'' she frowns and then realization falls upon her and her eyes widen in horror ''The baby? Castle the baby!''

''You should have thought of that earlier'' he says angrily ''You should have!'' he yells ''You should'' he says quieter, tears gathering in his eyes as he watches the door open and the doctor walking inside the room. He doesn't dare look at Beckett, he can't right now. He just can't.

''Ah, Detective Beckett. You're awake'' the doctor gives them a smile as he checks his notes. Castle can't listen to this again, he stands up and leaves from the room. Beckett watches him, of course. His actions, his reactions and when he gets out she moves her eyes to the doctor who is speaking to her, explaining, informing. She doesn't need all this, she already knows what happened. She remembers how she fell, how she tried to protect Castle. When the door opens again and Castle comes back a plastic bottle of water in his hands, he sits at his chair again refusing to look at her.

''Doctor'' she says quietly ''What about the baby?'' there, she said it. The doctor open his mouth, closes it again. His jaw clenches.

''I'm sorry but we couldn't do anything to save it'' he tells her sadly and then excuses himself.

Beckett looks down at her body, under the hospital gown and sees a white bandage covering her abdomen. She shoots a glance at Castle, he has his head down but she can see the tears running down his cheeks and falling on the floor in front of him. That's what breaks her. They are not going to have a child cause of her. It's her fault, she knows that. If she had listened to him and stayed at the precinct doing boring paperwork none of this would happen.

''Castle'' she wipes a few tears that escaped from her eyes with the back of her hand ''Castle'' she tries again.

''What?!'' he snaps at her, raises himself on his feet and slams his hands down on her bed , next to her hips.

''What Kate?'' he asks her again.

''I'm sorry'' she offers ''I'm sorry'' he softens a little. However, the anger is still inside him, the sadness, the loss. The loss of their unborn child.

''No, you're not Kate. If you had listened to me we wouldn't be here now!'' he runs a hand through his hair in desperation ''We would be home, on our bed. We would be happy'' she looks up at him at his words and her world crumbles apart at what she sees. In his eyes the sparkle is lost, the love they showed to her everyday is lost.

''But no, you had to show everybody what a great detective you are. You had to go there and get yourself killed!'' he's pacing around the room, unable to stand still ''Tell me Kate? Is it worth it to loose your child over your job?'' that's the final blow. Damn it! She's hurting too, it was her child as well. She lets the tears roll down her face free.

''It's not only my fault and you know that'' she snaps back at him ''You could have listened when I told you to stay in the car. Then, I wouldn't have to save your ass one more time because you had to play the hero''

''Kate-'' she cuts him off.

''No, Castle'' she starts again ''I had had enough, if you are not happy anymore you can leave now. Accuse me all you want, I'm tired of all this''

''Kate-'' he tries one more time.

''Leave'' she begs him, sobs in her hands at the same time.

He sees the resignation written on her face. She's giving up, she's giving up on them.

''Please'' she keeps her gaze down ''Just leave please''

He does. He does without looking back.

''Goodbye''

She breaks for the third time.

**Reviews are welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**It gets worse...you know I put those warnings for a reason... so stubborn...**

A nightmare.

That's what her life is right now, a nightmare.

Her baby is gone, her husband is gone and along with them her life too. All these because of her own mistake, her fault. Because of her stupidity, her inability to stay out of trouble and away from danger when it's needed.

She deserves what she got, she is a killer after all.

Her own child.

How could she do that?Why didn't she just listen to him?

Monster.

She has cried many times since Castle left. The physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional one. He never came back after their fight. Never called. He's angry, she understands. She is with herself too.

It's been two days, two days since she had seen those blue eyes, two days since she felt his love. She would give everything to return to that morning they woke up together at his loft, she would change what had happened after. She would if she had the chance.

She doesn't.

Whatever happened, happened. Nothing can't change. The only thing she can do is to fix everything or try, at least. She raises a weak hand to wipe away the tears that constantly run down her cheeks. Lanie is next to her, her hands holding hers in a comforting manner.

''You need to call him'' her friend says ''You two need to talk'' she advises her.

She almost snorts.

Talking was never their thing.

''He hates me'' she closes her eyes for a brief moment then opens them again ''He didn't even looked at me when he left. He hates me'' she repeats.

''Honey, he doesn't hate you, he would never do that. Trust me, the man loves you'' this time she literally snorts and Lanie sighs ''Kate, it's not your fault the baby is lost. The bastard who shot you is the one to blame. Castle knows that''

''I should have listened to him when he told me to stay at the precinct, Lanie. I am the one to blame. I killed my child. I killed our child. He will never forgive me. Never'' more hot fat tears roll down her cheeks and she doesn't bother to wipe them away and Lanie can't do anything other than watch as her friend cries herself out.

It's gonna be a long night, she thinks.

''Call him, Kate'' she says again. It's the only way to fix what's broken. She passes the phone to Beckett, sees her contemplating for a second before she nods and dials Castle's number. They hope for the best.

* * *

Every night since the day his child died he drinks. He drinks to forget what had happened. Like today, sitting at his office with a glass of scotch in his hand. Two empty bottles lying on the desk along with many others.

Sip after sip, he doesn't stop.

He can't.

He can't because if he stops memories will come back on his mind, the memories he tries to forget.

People and events he is trying to forget.

He drinks some more and then places the glass back on the desk to refill it. He grabs the bottle and realizes that it's empty. He gets angry, angry with himself, angry with _her_. He throws it to the wall and it breaks in little pieces. He's mad and he wants more. He wants to drink, he wants to forget, he wants his baby and his wife back. He wants his life.

His life before the shooting, the life in which he was happy.

They were happy.

It's wrong to be angry with her, to hate her so much because it was really not her fault. She was only doing her job, nothing more than that. He should blame the bastard who shot her, him actually. But she had to get involved and save his ass. Maybe if he had listened to her and stayed in the car things would be different.

And what if she had fucking listened to him and stayed at the precinct for one day. That's what he had asked her that morning. To stay safe.

He falls on the ground behind his office, knees pulled up against his chest and under his chin, arms wrapped around them. He doesn't stop the tears running down his face.

His little baby is gone.

He sobs until he hears something else except from his cries and sees his phone on the floor ringing. He picks it up as he rubs his face with the sleeve of his shirt and then looks at the screen.

_''Lanie?''_

''Castle'' he snaps and hears someone sniffle at the other side of the line.

''Who is it?'' he asks. There is no answer only more sniffing and whimpers. His heart is pounding fast against his ribs.

''Who is this?'' he demands, voice raising unexpectedly.

''Kate''

Wait, what?

''It's me Kate'' she says again a little bit louder than before.

''Kate'' he repeats ''How are you Kate?''

''Castle are you drunk?'' she asks, voice broken and concerned at the same time.

''Drunk?'' he laughs, this must be a joke ''No, Kate'' he starts ''I'm not drunk'' he stops ''Okay, maybe I am'' he laughs again ''But do you know what else I am?'' he doesn't wait for a reply ''I am angry with you Kate. I am disappointed in you, of your actions. For once you didn't listen to what I told you!'' he yells and she's taken aback. He hears a sharp intake of breath but he continues anyway ''All those nights and days away from you I blame you for what happened, I blame your stupidity, your reckless behavior! Why didn't you listen to me? Why did you have to put your job over us again? Why Kate?'' he shouts ''I trusted you with our baby and you got it killed''

His words cut through her like a knife.

It breaks her.

He hears a faint sound of _click_ but he's too busy speaking, telling lies he doesn't believe for her.

The alcohol clouds his mind and confuses his words. His thoughts. He takes a heavy breath and closes his eyes. Regrets what he told her earlier. He really should stop drinking.

He speaks the truth then.

''But I love you Kate. I love you. I know that my actions hurt you, I know that. And I'm sorry. You are in pain too. I was wounded and hurt and I didn't realize what I was doing until now. It's not your fault. I'm sorry for accusing you. For saying bad things. I'm so sorry'' he cries '' So sorry'' he sighs ''Kate?''

No answer.

The line is dead.

**Reviews are welcome. **

**Thanks everybody for the feedback. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh, look at this...another chapter for this heart-breaking story...still wondering why you like it so much but hate it at the same time...interesting...makes me want to put more angst...**

Lanie's jaw hits the floor because of what she had just heard. She looks at the woman in front of her, sees how broken she is. How vulnerable. How small and fragile.

''I told you'' Beckett sobs ''He hates me'' she had ended the call before Castle could finish what he was saying.

''He- I'm sorry, Kate'' Lanie squeezes her friend's hand ''I'm sorry, I didn't know he would react like that'' she explains.

After all, calling him was a bad idea. Poor Kate.

She takes in a heavy breath ''No, it's not your fault. As he said, it's mine'' she turns her body to the right and grabs something from the nightstand next to her bed ''Can you do me a favor?'' she asks, her eyes lifting to meet Lanie's hesitantly.

Lanie nods her head immediately, unsure of what Beckett wants her to do but whatever she needs she will do it.

''Anything'' she replies.

''I want you to go and ask the doctor when the hell can I leave from here and then go at Castle's loft and give him this'' she opens her palm and shows Lanie a ring, her wedding ring ''Take it''

''Kate-''

''Just do it, Lanie. Please, for me'' she begs. The other woman takes the ring, looks back at her best friend who nods, responds to her unasked question.

''Yes. I'm sure. Give it to him and tell him we are done'' Beckett's voice is cracked and full of emotions. Lanie leaves at the same time a doctor steps into the room.

* * *

She arrives at Castle's loft ten minutes later, she knocks twice on the door and waits. The door opens and Castle appears. It scares her to see him like this, bags under his eyes, messy hair and old clothes,a cold blank expression on his face, his eyes empty. Empty with no life in them.

''Lanie'' he says as he side-steps and lets her come inside.

''Castle'' she says back angrily. Her nostrils fill with the smell of alcohol and she wrinkles her nose in disgust.

Silence falls upon them for a moment.

''What brings you here?'' he wonders and takes a seat at the leather couch. She stands and looks down at him. She can see that he's sober now.

''Kate asked me to come'' his eyes shoot up ''and give you this'' she fishes something in her pocket and then hands it to Castle. He opens his mouth mindlessly like a goldfish.

''Wha-she gave you this?'' he stutters ''But I said I was sorry, I- didn't she hear what I was telling her on the phone?''

Wait a minute. The sound of a faint click, the dead line after his speech, she must have ended the call before he had finished. Before he told her he was sorry.

Shit, shit, shit.

''We both heard what you said, writer-boy. I didn't hear any apologies'' Lanie corrects him and lifts an eye-brow expecting him to explain.

''In the end, I said I was sorry. Sorry for what I did. For leaving, for accusing her, for hurting her '' he looks up at her ''I did'' he repeats.

''I don't know what you did and what you didn't do, Castle. But you are right, you hurt her when you're supposed to love her. To be with her. Drunk or not she heard you saying those things to her. You'd better fix what's broken Castle. You're the only one who can do that now. Now that she has given up on everything'' she heads for the door ''and Castle'' he turns his head to her ''Do it fast''

_Last chance_

And then she's gone.

He doesn't wait any longer. He puts on his shoes and grabs his keys and coat then rushes downstairs and jumps in his car. Three blocks away he parks outside of the hospital and runs inside, already knowing where her room is, he ignores the nurses yelling at him and telling him to stop running or they would kick him out. He sees that her door is open and he steps in.

The bed is empty.

''Lanie where is she?'' he questions.

''I don't know. I came back two minutes ago and the doctor said she left'' his eyes widen in horror. She's hurt, she's broken, she's alone. He must find her.

Fuck.

Where did you go Kate?

He goes outside again and looks around. It's raining heavily, there are no cars on the streets and only a few people walking. She must not have gone far with no car. He runs again, shouting her name over and over and over again until his lungs hurt and his legs buckle.

No sign of her.

Nothing.

She's nowhere to be found.

''Damn it'' he mutters under his breath. Think, Castle, think. Where the hell is she?

He spots a park near him.

She must be there, he thinks. He hurries, runs as fast as he can again and doesn't stop this time.

''Kate'' he yells ''Kate!'' he's on the edge of giving up and going home.

He sees something, someone maybe, he doesn't know. The rain blinds him and he must take a couple of steps closer to see clearly. There is someone sitting at one of the swings, going back and forth slowly.

''Kate'' he whispers and smiles sadly as the young woman turns around and looks him in the eyes. Her tear-stained face mirroring his ''Kate''

**Reviews are welcome, so tell me what you think of this chapter or if you want to read another one. **

**Happy ending or sad ending? I have some ideas...most of them are for a sad ending...**

**Thanks for all the feedback, guys!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dilemma: put more angst or not...let's just say that this chapter is not as angst-y as the others...maybe...it depends on how you see it, actually...**

Her body tenses when she hears her name being called by someone and shudders because of the cold. She turns to the source of the voice and meets his gaze, she quickly looks away and lets her eyes rest straight ahead into nothing as he comes closer.

''Kate'' he whispers ''Here you are'' he smiles, proud of himself for finding her.

She doesn't give attention to him, she's busy with the fight of her emotions inside her, trying hard to maintain her poker face. He looks at her and sees that she has changed, she's wearing a white t-shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers. Not a very good choice for this kind of weather. He removes his coat and wraps it around her shoulders. She stiffens, ready to protest but instead she says nothing, her head falls to the side and rests on the chain that supports the swing.

''Kate'' he says again and comes face to face with her. His heart falls to his stomach at the haunted look her eyes have, the signs of resignation across her features. Lanie was right, this is his last chance. He kneels in front of her and takes her hand in his, resting them on her lap as he looks up at her. She refuses to look back at him.

It's up to him. He clears his throat.

''I'm sorry'' he begins ''For what I said and did. I'm sorry'' still nothing ''I-I know I hurt you really bad and I'm sorry for that too but please Kate you need to understand I was just mad and sad. I didn't mean what I told you on the phone, I was drunk and confused. Please, forgive me Kate. Forgive me for being so selfish, for being so stupid'' he hooks his arms around her middle and rests his head on her lap ''Will you forgive me Kate?'' he asks unsure.

She says nothing, just glances down at him briefly and then up again.

He sighs.

He's too late. Too late to fix what's broken.

He lets his head fall on her lap again.

''I'm so sorry'' he tries again, mumbles against the cloth of her clothes ''I love you''

Too late, he thinks, the harm is already done.

The damage.

They're over. Over for once and for all. His eyes are stinging, his heart clenches.

Who would have thought that this would happen to them. George was right. Your life can change with just the click of a gun, a bang.

And then he feels hands running through his hair in a gentle way, massaging his scalp and go down his neck. His eyelids flutter and close under her touch.

Maybe they're not done yet.

''Kate?'' he wonders and lifts his head. She stares at him, the ghost of a smile hovers on her lips, the emptiness in her eyes being replaced by a small sparkle of happiness and hope. This time he sighs in relief. He stands up and throws his arms around her body, pulling her to him as tears run down his face and after a minute being joined by hers, both crying in each others' embrace.

''Kate'' he murmurs again, her name like prayer on his lips. He kisses her forehead and places his chin on top of her head. She buries her face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in, the familiar scent she missed all those days away from him. The rain continues falling on them, thunders crack the sky but they don't care. Not now. Now that they are finally together.

However, it's still cold and she shivers, she's drenched to the bone and her body still hurts. He notices, of course. He always does.

''Let's go home'' he suggests and she nods. Home, what a wonderful word she hadn't heard for a long time. Their home. They pull away slightly. He keeps his arm around her shoulder as they start walking towards the exit of the park.

She takes a few steps forward on weak legs before she almost crumbles on the wet ground. A moan of pain escapes from her lips and she places a hand over her abdomen. He catches her and scoops her up, putting a hand under her knees and keeping his arm firmly behind her back.

''Let me help'' he tells her.

She's too tired to argue.

His loft is closer, so he decides to walk them there. It frightens him a little that she still hasn't said anything to him. But she smiled at him, kind of...so they are okay now, right? He glances at her, sees her playing with the first button of his shirt. He smiles and lets it go , for now. They will speak later.

Ten minutes later they are outside of his loft. He searches for his keys in his jeans pocket and realizes they are in the coat Beckett is wearing. The bad thing is she's asleep in his arms, he carefully lets her legs hit the ground and uses his free hand to search his coat.

''Ouch'' she winces as his hands accidentally touches her lower stomach.

''Sorry'' he opens the door and leads her to the bathroom. He removes his coat from around her and drops it to the floor, he then removes her shoes and socks, he goes for her jeans next but he stops half way there. She places her hands over his and gives them a squeeze.

''I can do it'' she assures him ''Why don't you go make coffee?'' that's his Kate. Even though her voice is weak and raspy, it's her.

''Okay'' he replies ''Call me if you need anything'' she agrees and he leaves from the room, heads for the kitchen.

His mind running over the events of the last few days. It looked like an eternity for him, being away from her. At least, she is here now. That's what matters. He opens some cupboards and takes two cups out. Then starts the coffee machine. He can hear the water running from inside the bathroom. And then a scream.

What the hell?

''Kate'' he shouts and runs to her. He opens the door and finds her on the ground, knees pulled up under her chin, her whole body trembling. She's naked but something else draws his attention.

''Kate, what's wrong?'' he asks and sits on his butt next to her, pulling her to sit between the V of his legs. He wraps his arms around her and kisses the bare skin of her shoulder.

''Blood, so much blood'' she whispers and leans back to him.

''Take some deep breaths Kate. Come on, relax'' she's going back and forth in his arms, eyes browsing around the room panicked ''Calm down'' he says quietly in her ear ''Everything is fine''

She does what he tells her, closes her eyes and takes some air in her lungs.

''Very nice. Now tell me what's wrong'' he helps her up on her feet, his eyes never leaving hers.

''Blood'' she answers and looks down at her body. He follows her gaze as it lands on the bloody bandage covering her new wounds.

Oh, Kate.

''Can I take a look?'' he asks for her permission, fingers skimming over the edge of the bandage. She nods. He rips it off quickly and she stumbles forward in pain. He catches her for the second time this day.

''Careful'' he comments ''Let me see'' he bends down and takes a closer look of her wound, thankfully everything is fine. He smiles back at her ''Nothing to worry about'' he applies a new bandage over the wound and pats the corners gently with this fingers.

''All good'' he claps his hands together ''Do you still want to take that bath?'' he asks.

''Actually, no. I just want to go to sleep'' her gaze meets his hesitantly ''Is that okay?''

''Sure, sure'' he removes his shirt, pants and socks and leaves them in the bathroom with hers, he will do the laundry tomorrow. He feels her watching him as he walks only in his boxers and makes his way towards the closet.

''Nice view, huh?'' he jokes and turns around as he puts on his Star Wars T-shirt.

''Huh?'' she mumbles, snapping out of her thoughts. Okay, maybe she wasn't staring at him.

''Nothing'' he replies and watches amazed as she gets dressed in one of his t-shirts and boxers ''You know, we will need to talk about what happened'' she opens her mouth to speak, to object maybe but he holds a hand up ''Not now. Now we will sleep and rest'' she seems happy and relieved at the same time.

''Okay'' she agrees and gets under the covers. He does the same, putting space between them in case she needs it. It surprises him though when she moves closer to him and places a hand over his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.

''No more space between us'' she complains.

He hums in agreement and tucks her even closer, leaving no gaps. He feels her relax, thinks she's asleep and reaches the injured part of her body with his hand.

''We will try again'' he whispers into the dark room ''and this time no more chasing around criminals'' she snorts all of a sudden with no reason ''Oh, you're still awake'' he adds, embarrassed.

''I'm always awake'' she says softly and pats his chest ''When I sleep bad dreams come and when I don't those dreams become real'' her voice sounds so fragile, so small. She takes a heavy breath ''I had many nightmares while I still carried our child, Castle. Nightmares in which it dies'' she sniffles ''Do you know how bad I feel these last days? For what I've done? From the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep all I could think was why couldn't I be killed too with that bullet. It would be better that way'' his eyes water with tears at her words.

''No'' he snaps ''Don't say those kind of things Kate. Please'' he begs her ''It wasn't your fault, stop saying that'' he holds her closer to him and rubs her arm up and down with his hand.

''You said it too'' she states and the way she says it just breaks him the same way it broke her when she had heard him ''and that phone call'' she laughs sadly ''that phone call killed me''

He doesn't remember much of what he had said that night. It must have been terrible.

''I'm sorry'' it's all he says, unable to form any other words. The lump in his throat doesn't allow him to speak.

''I know. I am too'' she lifts her head and looks at him ''Goodnight Castle'' he can see the hurt, the sadness, the emptiness still in her eyes.

''Kate-''

''Tomorrow, Castle. You promised'' he did.

''Until tomorrow, Kate'' the corners of her mouth twist up for a brief moment before they fall back down along with her head and she dozes off on his chest.

He turns his head to the left and opens the first drawer of his nightstand, his hand searches for something. After a lot of tries he pulls it out and looks down at the beautiful wedding ring in his hand. He hopes one day he will be able to put it back on her finger.

**Reviews are welcome! So leave me one and tell me what you think!**

**Most of you want a happy ending but some want a sad ending as well, maybe I will write both.**

**Don't worry, folks, there are a couple of more chapters before the end, just write me reviews and I will write you chapters...he he...**

**Thanks for all the lovely feedback, guys!And as always, have a nice day!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Angst, angst everywhere...well...here is a new chapter...what happened during the night...poor Castle...**

She stays awake the whole night because she thinks that if she closes her eyes then the next time she opens them she will be back at the hospital, away from him. So, she stays up staring at the ceiling above them, listening to his steady heartbeat, feeling his chest going up and down as he exhales and inhales under her hand. She had missed him so much, the days they woke up together and the nights they went to sleep lost in each others' arms.

Good old memories. Good old times. Maybe they will be able to return to those things. Maybe they will be able to be happy again. They will try.

She hears a sharp intake of breath and looks up at him, the frown lines between his eye-brows worry her a little. What the-?

''Castle?'' she whispers, hand coming up to touch his cheek. He rolls his head to the right and then to the left, body shaking violently, breathing uneven.

''Castle'' she repeats and he stills, blinks and then opens his eyes ''Castle, what happened? Are you okay?'' she asks. He closes his eyes again, the image of her lying on the floor with blood on her abdomen is still fresh in his mind, memorized in his brain. He can't get it out. He can't erase that picture.

''You died'' he sobs as tears run down his cheeks.

''Castle, I'm still here. It was just a nightmare'' she trails her fingers under his eyes, whipping the tears away.

''You died'' he croaks out ''You were lying on the floor, bleeding'' another wave of hot tears rolls down his cheeks and she sighs, throws a leg over his and straddles him. She lowers her face closer to his and cups it with her hands. Their foreheads touching.

''Castle open your eyes and look at me. I'm not dead'' she insists.

He shakes his head, too stubborn to listen. He reminds her of herself.

''Castle please'' she begs him, grabs his hand and places it over her beating heart ''See?I'm alive and I'm here. There is no blood. No dead bodies. Only us'' he sniffs. It's true, he can feel her heartbeat, hear her voice, feel her body on top of his but what if it's a trick his mind is playing on him?

One way to find out.

His eyelids flutter open -finally- and he looks at the woman in front of him. Those beautiful eyes he will never forget.

_She's alive._

''Oh god, Kate'' he wraps his arms around her slim frame and pushes her down on the mattress, she squirms at the sudden movement ''I thought I lost you again'' his hands are everywhere, on her face, her chest, her arms, her legs, every part of her he can touch to convince himself she is here.

It's not enough. He needs more, he needs her body, her love, he wants to win her heart back. He wants his wife.

''Castle'' she warns, knowing where this will lead. He can't help it. He attacks her neck first, sucking and nipping at the soft flesh there. His teeth leaving a small mark on her skin as he makes his way down her body. Kissing everything. She moans and cries under him, arches under his touch as he gives her pleasure.

And it feels so good and wrong at the same time. They need to talk first, sort things out before they move on with this.

_And oh-shit._

''Castle'' she tries to stop him again but it comes out more like a moan ''Castle please'' he covers her mouth with his and pushes his tongue between her lips, swallowing her protests, sucking her bottom lip. His thumbs hook under the waistband of his boxers -the ones she's wearing- and she moans again as he palms her. And then he goes down again. He plants a open-mouthed kiss on her chest, face buried between the valley of her breasts. Fingers working _in and out _and then stop, she almost complains.

_Almost._

''Castle, oh _fuck_'' she curses at feel of his amazingly skilled hands moving on her again. Keep it together Kate, she tells herself. Her mind is blurry and confused and this must stop now.

Her heart pounding hard against her ribs.

One more try.

''Castle'' she shouts at him and his head pops up ''Stop'' he stares at her, eyes going up and down her body as he realizes what he just tried to do. He removes his hands from inside her pants and pushes his body off of her.

''Oh god'' he puts some space between them ''I'm sorry, Kate'' the tears are back in his eyes ''I-I didn't know what I was doing, I'm sorry'' he tells her ''What's gotten into me?'' he asks and covers his face with his hands, crying.

She holds back her own tears, the sight of him so broken kills her.

She caused this.

Both of them did. They caused this to themselves. They accused each other for something that wasn't their fault.

''Rick'' she calls him but he doesn't turn to her ''Rick, it's okay'' she assures him ''It's okay'' she pulls him to her and he follows reluctantly yet happily as she hugs him. His head coming to rest on her chest. She runs her hand through his hair, relaxing him as his sobs slow down and finally end.

''It's okay'' she keeps telling him until he falls asleep again and she stays awake.

They will talk tomorrow morning, they are going to fix what's broken, and this time they will do it together.

**Reviews are welcome! **

**Thanks for all the feedback, it always makes me happy.**

**Tell me what you think of this chapter.**

**And as always, have a nice day!**


	7. Chapter 7

**This is not very angsty...damn...I should have made a bigger mess...ehm, anyway enjoy...**

The second time he wakes up it's still dark outside, the sun hasn't come up yet. He stretches his body, toes curling under the luxurious sheets he's lying on. His arm is buried under Kate's body, his head resting on top of her chest. He opens his eyes and looks up to find her sleeping peacefully.

He smiles a little and falls on his side, pulling her body along with his. She stirs but doesn't wake as she snuggles more against him. He tucks an arm behind his head and the other around her back. His hand runs down to the hem of her t-shirt and he pulls it up slightly, his fingers dancing over the bare skin of her tummy.

''Castle'' she murmurs, blinks and slowly opens her eyes to meet his in front of her. He gives her a toothed smile.

She lets herself enjoy this happy moment for a second before her eyes darken, fear and sadness filling them.

He senses that something is wrong and stops. He looks into her eyes and sees the millions thoughts that pass through her mind.

''Kate?''

''Nothing'' she shakes her head and drops it on his shoulder.

He sighs heavily.

Then something clicks into his brain and his eyes widen.

Oh, Kate.

He understands now.

He remembers what happened during the night. How he attacked her. How he tried to force her to make love with him without her wanting it. He swallows the lump in his throat, nothing will stop him from speaking this time.

''I'm sorry'' he offers ''Sorry for what I tried to do earlier in the night'' she raises her head. Even though it's dark in the room he can still see her eyes shimmering dangerously ''I don't know what happened. It's just that you were dead and I-I needed to convince myself you're alive and – Oh god, I'm so stupid''

She rises and plants a kiss on his forehead then sits back down in his lap, face to face with him. He lowers his gaze, unable to look at her in the eye after all he has done to her. After what he had tried to make her do.

''I already told you it's okay'' she cups his cheek with her hand and lifts his chin ''It's okay'' she repeats.

He gives her a short nod.

''You were right. We need to talk'' she tells him ''But if you are not ready yet I can wait'' she's giving him a way out of this and this time she's not the one who wants to run and hide.

He shakes his head in response ''I don't want to run, Kate. I never did'' he says, somehow knowing what she was thinking, he opens his mouth ready to explain everything but she stops him, puts a finger on his lips.

''Let me start first'' she says and when he nods again she starts ''You did hurt me, Castle, but I hurt you too. With my actions, with my words, with what I did. I am sorry too for everything. For accusing you, for hurting you, for hating you. And most of all for loosing our child because of my stupidity''

''Kate'' he tries to object.

It wasn't her mistake.

''No, Castle. I should have listened to you. I should have stayed at the precinct doing paperwork and other boring things'' she stops for a moment and wipes a tear that has fallen from her eyes ''You were right on the phone. I shouldn't be allowed to carry anyone's baby, especially yours. You deserve someone who is not as reckless as me, not as stupid as me and most of all someone who won't put his job over his family'' she finishes then, unable to form any other word.

The tie in her throat doesn't let her. The tears streaming down her face don't let her either. She wipes them away with the back of her hand and sniffs. She dares to look at him and sees him staring back at her. There are tears in his eyes too.

''Did I say all this?'' he asks. She doesn't answer and he takes that as a yes.

''I don't blame you, Castle'' she says softly and she sinks into his arms as he locks them around her again ''and I wouldn't blame you if you now want a divorce too''

What the?

''Never!'' he snaps ''How could you even think that?'' he wonders.

She sighs ''Can't you see it, Castle? How messed up we are?'' she asks him, fingers playing with the collar of his t-shirt ''Who would love his wife if she lost her kid because of her own mistake?''

She still feels guilty.

Guilty of something that wasn't her fault.

He feels the same way.

''I still love you, Kate'' he turns to her and finds her biting on her bottom lip ''Can you forgive me?'' he takes her hand in his bigger one and looks at the finger her ring was before all this happened.

He needs to give it back to her, but he's not sure yet. Maybe she doesn't want it anymore.

''I already have, Rick'' she smiles and he does too ''I love you too much to hate you, writer-boy'' he laughs at that. His heart skips a beat or two when he hears the wonderful sound of her laughter too.

Maybe they still got a chance to live together.

''Can you forgive me?'' she repeats his own words.

''Always'' she kisses him then, hands running through his hair as she pins him down to the mattress. He parts his lips and allows her to push her tongue inside as he pulls her t-shirt over her head and throws it somewhere in the room. She shivers as the cold breeze that's coming from the open window hits her chest. He notices it and turns them around so now he's on top. He removes his t-shirt by himself and groans when her nails scratch his nipples and run all over his chest.

''You're such a tease'' he gulps, she smirks evilly and she cups him between his legs.

''Oh, really?'' she asks and moans as he pulls her pants down and starts being a tease too ''Rick''

''Let's try again, Kate. Shall we?'' he tells her and she smiles, pulls him down to kiss him deeply again and then they begin their slow dance.

Teasing and caressing each other. Enjoying the feel of their naked skin touching. His lips are on every part of her body, he had missed her so much and now that he has her back he won't lose her again.

Never.

They will overcome every problem they will face in the future together.

And when the moment for him to enter her came, he looks at her, senses her worry.

''Don't worry, Kate'' he places a small kiss on her lips ''This time we will do it right'' he promises her and she relaxes ''No matter what will happen we will face it together''

''Okay'' she offers him a smile and he buries himself inside her.

A lot of moans, groans and cries are heard until they fall asleep in each others' arms again.

**Reviews are welcome!**

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**And as always, have a nice day!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is a new chapter. Read, Review and of course, enjoy. Angst! But some fun too.**

* * *

It feels better when he wakes up for the third time, the sun is up and he can already hear the city's sounds outside. He rolls over and lays on his stomach, face buried in the pillow as he yawns and opens his eyes ready to meet the new day ahead of him. His hand makes its way from under the covers to her side, seeks for her warmth, for her body but finds nothing. Only cold, empty sheets.

He turns around, panicked. Eyes terrified and jaw dropped down in shock as he searches for her.

''Kate?'' he calls, voice covered with concern and worry as his gaze lands over her naked form. She's sitting with her back to him at the edge of the bed.

''Hey'' she wipes her eyes with her hands and turns to him, gives him a small smile before she turns to look away again.

''What's wrong?'' he asks, moves his body to a sitting position and places a comforting hand on her shoulder ''Kate? Is it about what happened before? Did I hurt you?''

She shakes her head in response and sighs. Her heart aches inside her chest, the scar is pulling and she feels sick, tired and mostly exhausted.

''Tell me then'' he pushes her, brings her to the edge until she finally breaks for the second time and tears run down her cheeks. He wraps his arms around her, tugs her closer to his chest and she rests her head on it, listening to his strong heartbeat beneath. It somehow relaxes her, convinces her that he's still here and not dead. Not gone.

''It was just a nightmare'' her explanation is nothing more than a small whisper against the skin of his neck ''A bad one'' she adds, laughs sadly at the same time.

He nods ''Tell me about it. It will help'' he kisses the top of her head, trails his thumb over her cheeks to wipe the tear stained skin there.

''I would rather not'' she says stubbornly. She closes her eyes as the images flood back into her mind and cloud her eyes, her brain. They try to make her believe other things but she doesn't let them.

He's here. Not dead, not gone. She repeats that sentence over and over again like a mantra.

''Please, Kate'' he pleads her. And just like that her last resistance, the small wall she built while she was away from him during their fight, is ruined. A pile of ashes and dust inside her.

''Please'' he begs her ''Don't shut me out''

''I-You were...-The baby-'' she shakes her head and cries out in frustration.

''Relax, Kate'' he tells her softly ''Take your time'' his palm is moving up and down her back, reaches her shoulder and drops back down to just over the place her rear starts. She calms down then, thankful for the man she has to stand next to her, the man who clearly loves her more than anything in his life.

''There were two dreams'' she begins, her voice is shaky, weak ''In the first one, you took the bullet instead of me. You fell on the ground and then blood was starting to come out from the wound on your chest. Too much blood, Castle. So much blood. And I couldn't stop it'' she whimpers ''I couldn't save you Castle. I couldn't. You just kept bleeding out in my arms'' his grip on her tightens, palm pausing its actions for a moment before it resumes.

''I'm okay, Kate. I'm not dead. There is no blood. We are okay'' he promises her. She doesn't respond. She closes her mouth, bites her bottom lip and opens it again.

''In the second one, we are back at the hospital but things are different. Our- our baby'' her chin is quivering, her shoulders trembling and she stops for a second to gather herself into one piece once more.

''Shh...You can do it'' he is there to encourage her, make her continue and she does. She lets out a heavy breath and speaks because it hurts more to hold all of it inside her instead of letting it out.

''Our baby wasn't dead, he was alive, wrapped in a blue small towel in your arms. You were standing in front of my hospital bed, looking down at me in disgust. You were angry, so damn angry with me, accusing me and cursing at me for what I had done. For giving up my family for my job, for being so irresponsible, for being so stupid and reckless. In the end you leave with the baby. You leave me alone to deal with my misery, with my guilt'' she wants to cry, she wants to scream, she wants to disappear and hide and never come out again.

She wants her family whole again.

''Both of you leave me'' she repeats. Her throat is too tight and she finishes it there. Because, she really can't continue anymore.

She can't.

Suddenly, his arms are tucking her higher against him, her face coming to meet his. Both resting on the same pillow at his side of the bed.

''I will never leave you'' he cups her cheek with his hand ''Never'' he presses his lips on hers, mouths crashing and tongues dancing with each other in a small tango. A fight for domination. He pulls away slightly when his lungs are out of air.

''I trust you, Castle'' she says, a smile spreads across her face ''I trust you with my body'' she links their hands together ''I trust you with my life'' she raises their hands ''and I trust you with my heart'' she presses his hand on her chest and takes his breath away with a few simple yet significant words and moves.

''Thank you'' he grins, kisses her ''Thank you''

She laughs at the joy written on his features.

''Don't laugh at me, detective Beckett, what you said almost caused me a heart attack'' he smirks at her raised eyebrow.

''Hmm, maybe I should get it back'' she teases him. He pouts, disagrees and bumps her nose with his as he hugs her.

''Now you said it. You can't take it back'' he replies, rocks her in his arms as he says his thanks again in her ear and she shivers. Buries her face further in the crook of his neck and parts her lips, nibbles his delicious soft skin. He growls, grabs her shoulders and pushes back, pins her to the mattress as he rises above her.

''You worn me out. If you want more you'd better feed me'' he lets her go and falls to his side, she snuggles up against him immediately.

''Don't want to get out of bed yet'' she murmurs, hides her head under his arm.

'' You're a lazy woman, detective Beckett'' she hums and shrugs her shoulders, she's warm and comfortable so she doesn't care at all, lazy or not this is comfy ''I like it!'' he states. She rolls her eyes at him and keeps her gaze locked with his ''And I like you''

''Really Castle? I thought you loved me'' he looks hurt for a moment before he smiles, that toothy Castle-smile of his that she likes very much.

''That too'' he winks at her and she laughs. It feels so good to be able to laugh again, to be able to be happy again, to be able to live.

She rubs a hand over his chest, plays with the little messy hair in the center and brings it up to his neck, palms the side of it and kisses the other.

''Kate'' he warns. He wants to make love to her as many times as she wants but he needs energy, food.

She grins at him and settles back to her previous position.

''I imagined he would have your eyes, you know'' his body stiffens and tenses for a second then relaxes.

''Your gorgeous hair'' he continues.

''Your childish behavior'' she adds.

''Now you like my childish behavior?''

''Always did''

''Good to know'' he's proud of himself. She finally admitted to him that she likes how he acts for the first time ''And what if it was a girl? I would like her to have your eyes, your kick-ass, bad-ass style, your hair, my imagination, my patience, my ruggedly handsome features, my - ''

''Big ego?'' she guesses.

''Funny'' he forces a fake laugh that soon becomes real ''We will know in nine months''

''Castle-''

''It will work, Kate. And if we didn't succeed earlier then we will try again and again and again'' he sighs ''If you want, of course''

She slaps his chest lightly.

''Of course I want, you idiot'' she curses under her breath.

''Just kidding! No violence, please'' he raises his hands in surrender.

* * *

**Reviews make me happy so write me one, readers! I know you're there.**

** We still need to get that ring back on her finger. **

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**And as always, have a nice day!**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been so long, since I updated this sad thing...I wrote...once...meh, heh. I don't know if anyone is still reading. Enjoy, review, whatever you want. **

It's almost noon when he manages to lure her out of the bed, promises to cook her eggs, and bacon and pancakes for breakfast even though they should eat lunch at this time of the day. Silently, he watches her getting dressed, smiles at her when she catches him watching her and she smiles back. There is still a pain in his chest, a pain that shoots through his heart as she comes closer, strokes his cheek with her hand and gives him a small kiss on the lips. But, what kills him inside is that he can't feel the little scratch of the ring, she is supposed to wear, against his skin. The ring she gave back to him, and now he has it hidden in the first drawer of his nightstand.

''Come on, Castle'' she says ''You promised to make me breakfast. Remember?'' she teases him and he offers her another smile in response. He takes a moment to check the ring, place it on his palm and stare at it. Will she want to put it on her finger once more if he proposed to her again? He doesn't know. He doesn't.

He hopes.

Doubts cloud his mind, maybe she's not ready yet. Maybe she needs more time. And what if he's the one who isn't ready yet and needs more time. What happens then. But he wants her back, he wants her back as his wife, as his lover, as his always. Suddenly, the ring is heavy in his hand and he lets it fall in the drawer, once again, hidden.

''Castle'' he hears her calling him from the kitchen, and he shakes his head. Clears his mind before he goes to find her. She is sitting at one of the bar stools, her chin supported on one of her folded elbows on the counter-top. The fingers of her other hand, drumming on the solid surface, waiting for him.

The mask is on, the pain covered. He smiles.

It doesn't take him long to make breakfast, and soon enough he hands her a plate full of bacon, an egg and pancakes. The smell of them causes her stomach to growl and he grins at her.

''Thanks'' she says in return and digs her fork in the food. God, she's starved. Hasn't eaten a proper meal since, well, she doesn't even remember. She hums and chews some more, then speaks.

''Tastes nice'' she comments.

''Why, thank you detective'' he smirks at her, cuts and stabs a small piece of pancake with his fork.

They continue eating in silence until their plates are empty and in the sink, with shoulders bumping with each other, he washes and she dries them off with a kitchen towel and then puts them back in their place.

''It's already five in the afternoon'' he notices as he glances at his watch ''Any plans for tonight?'' he snakes his arms around her waist loosely, still aware of her injury. They should check on the wound soon, he takes that in mind.

She smiles against his chest ''I don't know. I'm not allowed to go to the precinct for another week'' she rolls her eyes at his disapproving look ''How about we stay in, and watch a movie?'' she suggests.

''My answer will always be yes if that movie is not called _Valentine's day_'' he catches her hand in his before she has the chance to pull his ear ''Fine, whatever you want'' he says, defeated.

* * *

With the movie in the DVD player, they sit on the couch. Her head resting on his lap, and her feet over the edge of the sofa as he looks down at her, playing with a strand of her hair between his fingers.

''I thought you said movie'' he reads the title _'Heat rises' _''Not book''

''Yeah, before you put the same Batman movie, again''

''But you like it''

''The first three times'' he narrows his eyes at her.

''Fine'' he grabs the controller, stops the movie, then turns off the TV ''I'm gonna take a shower''

Seems weird, so unlike him to resign so easily. Usually, he would spend time telling her about the awesome parts of the movie, how it's worth watching it, and all that. And this time, nothing. He just left her at the couch and disappeared in their bedroom. Almost immediately, she gets on her feet, places the book on the coffee table and follows him.

Carefully, without making a sound, she peeks through the open door and spots him with his back to her, his shoulders slumped.

''Castle?'' she asks, hesitantly.

He turns on his heel, his lips parted in a small gasp of surprise when he finds her there.

''What's wrong?'' she steps in, intending to come closer to him but he raises his hand. Stops her.

''Nothing'' he says, he lies. His other hand is behind his back, hiding something, she's not sure.

She tilts her head to the right, unconvinced. A raised eyebrow on her face as she waits for an explanation.

He sighs ''Nothing is wrong, Kate. Really. Everything is great, wonderful'' his words drip with sarcasm, a laugh escaping from his throat.

''Castle''

''What?''

She puts her hands on her hips ''Tell me what's your problem''

''My problem? Okay, Kate. This is my problem'' he tosses the ring on the bed ''This is my problem'' he repeats, pointing at it ''You are supposed to wear this on your finger. You are supposed to be my_ wife_''

''I am your wife''

''Then why did you take it off?''

The reason why, she took it off, is simple yet hard to speak it out loud. Truth is, she wanted to hurt him as much as he did when he walked out of her room in the hospital, when he said those things to her on the phone, when -

No, she wanted to punish herself as well. For what she did, who she lost. She's too little for him, he deserves someone better.

''I just want us to be okay, again'' she snaps out of her thoughts, his cries pull her back. Claw at her heart ''I just want us to be a family again. I want our baby'' he sobs in his hands ''Is that too much to ask?'' he asks, she doesn't have an answer.

She closes her eyes, fighting against her own tears even though she has already lost and they are running down both of her cheeks. She needs to get out of here. And so she does. She slides her feet in her shoes, grabs her coat and walks down the stairs quickly. The sky has a dark color once she gets outside. It will rain soon, she doesn't care.

She runs.

* * *

_Thoughts? Review? Nope? Okay!_

_May I say, that I really love angst. A new chapter will soon be posted after this, if anyone is still reading. _

_And as always, have a nice day._


	10. Chapter 10

**Fast updates! Thanks for still reading the story guys, made my day when I saw all these reviews! Another chapter will be posted soon. Enjoy! **

It's easier, to run away, to get away from your problems. To leave them alone and disappear. Easier, yet wrong. She realizes that once she turns around a corner near their house and bends over, her body folded in the middle as she tries to put some air in her lungs. Her heart beating in her ears, the wound on her abdomen aching painfully. She places a hand over the specific area and closes her eyes, takes a deep breath before she stands straight again. The stitches pull and she almost cries out in pain. Damn, a couple of more days must pass until the doctor will be able to remove them.

That's not the problem right now, though. No, she needs to go back, she needs to go back and face the man she left in ruins.

_''I just want my wife back'' _his words are echoing in her ears along with the beating of her heart _''our baby. Is that too much to ask?'' _

It's not, and she wishes she could give him what he wants.

And then, she runs again, ignoring the pain and the rain falling upon her, she runs to him.

It's her turn to repair their broken relationship.

* * *

One, two, he counts the hours he's sitting at the floor, his knees under his chin. His cheeks stained with tears but his eyes now dry, only red and puffy. His throat sore from all the sobbing, screaming and shouting he did while she was gone. Gone, like always, she just runs away and leaves him to deal with his misery alone. He should have learned by now. But he's too blind from his love for her. Too blind or too stupid, or a little bit of both.

He looks at the ring, thrown to the floor in front of him in the middle of this mess. It stares at him, and he remembers the day he slid it on her finger. Her bright smile, the love shining in her eyes, he would give everything to have it back.

_''Always?''_

_''Always''_

''Always'' he whispers out loud, to himself. To the empty room that suffocates him. He runs a hand through his ruffled hair and sighs, too exhausted for anything else. It's almost midnight and she hasn't come home yet. Maybe she won't come at all. He doesn't care, he's tired of all this.

Of fighting a battle he can't win.

''Castle?'' his head shoots up, and he finds there. Drenched to the bone.

He doesn't care, he lies to himself ''What do you want?''

''You'' her answer is quick.

He laughs ''Nice way of showing it'' he spits his words at her ''You run way, like always. Coward'' he whispers.

It would be fair to hurt him like he does, but no, she swallows the bitter words in her mouth and the urge to protect her pride. She will take whatever he throws at her. She deserves it, anyway.

''It's easier, isn't it?'' he asks ''To leave it all behind, and just run'' he laughs again ''I sometimes, wonder if this is worth it. If all the pain we are going through is worth it'' he continues ''but I love you that much, Kate'' he smiles sadly at her and stands up.

''Do you?'' he asks.

She does.

''Yes'' she says.

He offers her another sad, small smile in return ''I was wondering, earlier, what would you say if I dropped down to one knee and asked you again. Now, I got my answer. It would be a no, wouldn't it?''

''Rick, just listen to me. Please''

He shakes his head ''Goodnight, Kate'' she watches him as he gets into bed, his back to her.

''I'm sorry, Castle'' it's not more than a whisper. Enough for him to hear it.

* * *

The shower she takes is fast, and soon enough she's standing in front of the mirror. Dressed in one of his T-shirts and a pair of shorts. Her wet hair falling around her shoulders. She lifts the hem of the T-shirt and winces at the sight of the bandage, she was so distracted with the thoughts in her head she had forgotten about it when she got into the shower.

''Where is the med-kit'' she murmurs to herself as she opens the cub-boards.

''In the left one'' she hears someone say. Doesn't need to look up to know who he is.

She finds what she was looking for at last. And places it on the counter.

''Thanks'' He leans back on the wall, and observes as she rips off the old bandage and hisses. He does the same.

There is blood and he comes closer to check the stitches. She's surprised when she feels his hands on her skin, almost jumps at the sudden contact. Instead of stopping him, she lets him help and he lowers himself to the ground. His fingers trailing around the wound.

''You need to go to the hospital'' he tells her, somehow she managed to open one of them.

''I'm fine'' she replies. Stubborn woman.

''Kate''

''It's fine'' she repeats ''Just apply a bandage over it and it will be okay tomorrow'' he does what he's told to. Knows, he can't change her mind.

Gently, he pats the edges of the new bandage, like he did the first time he brought her home from the park.

''I didn't want to run away'' she bites her lip to keep it from trembling ''I am sorry''

He hums against her tummy, a smile coming on his lips ''Me too'' he sighs "But why do we keep fighting?''

''I don't know'' she answers, honestly.

''Can we stop it?''

''We can try''

He grins ''Let's go to sleep, Kate'' he rises on his feet, plants a kiss on her temple ''Come on''

She watches him, as he retreats to the bedroom, rests her head on the door frame with her arms folded over her chest.

''You were right, you know'' he looks at her puzzled ''About what I would say if you dropped down to one knee right now'' she explains ''I would say no, because you would be angry at me'' he tries to cut her off but she continues ''You are, Castle. Don't say otherwise. Ask me tomorrow, though. And my answer will be different''

He nods.

Funny thing is, he wakes her up when the clock shows 00:01. One hour after they went to sleep. She opens her eyes and finds him kneeling at her side, and she laughs at the sight of him. With messy, bed-spiked hair, wearing his boxers and his Batman T-shirt. The ring in his hands as he smirks at her.

''It's tomorrow'' he states simply ''Always?''

I dare you to guess her answer.

It's ''Always''

It's the calm before the storm.

* * *

_Thoughts? Review?Who wants another chapter?_

_By the way, I might add someone else in this story. Any guesses?_

_And as always, have a nice day and enjoy your week. _


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